One of my friends used the word morose to describe me and she was dead serious about it. That was in 2017 on a cold winter day and we were walking alongside a stream in the woods where we used to go.
I might have been depressed then. Who knows? I don’t keep track, I just let it flow. But this word has been stuck in my mind — morose — the word is definitive and cutting. I wasn’t just sad, I was morose.
I was a little offended. It made me pause and have a look at myself. A…
Early interpersonal trauma can change our emotional world in lasting ways that make adult relationships difficult to navigate. Becoming aware of our patterns is a vital first step in beginning to heal both ourselves and our relationships.
So here are some ways trauma might still be affecting your relationships:
Let me start by saying two important things, that were said by other people. First: “Katarina, if you never ask, you’ll never get”. Second: “fierce independence is a trauma response”.
Some of us as children learn to minimize our neediness so as to not be a burden to our parents. I was one of them. This has continued throughout my life where I asked for very little and eventually, I became one of those strong independent women. This means I didn’t ask for help, physical or emotional, and I was proud of it.
Throughout school and university, I never went…
The only article I wrote on childhood trauma had an increase in readings during the holidays. I was curious. I went into stats and found that the most reads were on the 26th of December — the day after everyone connects with their family.
Most people have at least some emotional wounding related to their childhood homes and the holidays bring up these buried feelings. I, too, have mine.
I have studied trauma, lived trauma, and tried to support others who are healing from their own trauma.
However, more than any theory, it is experience that has the potential to…
My heart is already broken
even before you can break it
that is why I have no fear
when reaching towards love
Since I was about fourteen years old it started dawning on me that human affection and regard are unreliable. I set out with so much faith and I only have a little left now. Even those closest to me showed me that love stops where their comfort zone and the limit of understanding ended. That is it.
And people are incredibly petty in their mindsets.
People can claim to love you for decades and it can be revealed…
I want you to feel as if the stars have come closer
that you might just be able to steal one
to take home with you in your pocket
I want you to feel that the moon is a little brighter
that it might be pulling you
a little closer
I want your steps to feel lighter
that you might feel like clicking your heels together
maybe even twirl on your way home
I want you to feel a little dizzy
as if you are the designated receiver
of secrets from the universe
I want you to feel that your…
When I first read Gender Trouble by the feminist philosopher Judith Butler and came across the concept of “performativity”, I felt years of oppressive aloneness fall away. I felt that someone described what I have been trying to put into words for a lifetime. I felt validated.
But this is a personal story about my experience of gender and the question that begs to be asked is “Am I a woman?”
If I have to label myself, I get confused. I want to make a category called gender-confused and place myself there.
What is wrong with me is that I…